What Are Personal Boundaries And Why We Need Them

I’m sure you’ve heard the expression of personal boundaries being touted whether by family and friends or in various circles.

But when you get to the heart of the matter, just what are personal boundaries and why do we really need them?

To grasp the true meaning of what a personal boundary is you’ll first of all need to understand what is a boundary itself. 

When you have boundaries it clearly demonstrates what best serves your needs and meets your expectations. What are the things that are necessary to have set up and implemented in order for you to have joy in your life? 

What things are in place to safeguard you from exploitation and excessive workload, leading to stress burnout and overwhelm?

Your principles, standards, and values turn into the boundary that will shed some light and specifies exactly who you are. Are you a sincere person or do you have a holier than thou attitude? Are you a selfish person or are you a humble person? and the list goes on.

What Are Boundaries?

According to merriam-webster.com a boundary is something that indicates or fixes a limit or extent.

The thing is, that physical boundaries are quite obvious because they are visible and touchable. 

Every day we come across different physical boundaries. We are met with gated communities, picket fences, even the very walls in your home are barriers. These walls visibly identify each area in your home.

 Your personal boundaries are very much in the same way. The difference though is that you cannot see these boundaries. 

They are not visible nor touchable because they develop and are deep-seated on the inside- they are internal.

For one thing, boundaries give you a better understanding of the type of person you are. They will also help other people to understand what is important to you and sets the stage for strong, solid healthy communication with others.

 Boundaries also set the tone for your relationships.  What are the limitations and guidelines of your relationships? Is it a strong relationship? What are your commitments in the relationship and what is the other person’s function in the relationship?  

What Are Examples of Personal Boundaries

On an individual level, a boundary determines who you’re accountable for or in charge of.  

For one thing, it gives you a better understanding of the type of person you are. It will also help other people to understand what’s important to you and sets the stage for strong and healthy communication with others. 

Needless to say, your first and most important duty or responsibility is to yourself. Which also involves taking care of your family and all the different responsibilities that come with that including your finances.

In a personal capacity, you might also have other responsibilities outside of your family and home. Say for example you might be a nanny or a health care professional. In this capacity, your responsibilities also come to the forefront.

Consider this, if you’re taking a job or signing up for school or college normally these boundaries are unmistakably clear the very moment you decide to take on the task.

Whether you’re on the job or studying there are boundaries already in place. These boundaries let you know what your duties or responsibilities are in these particular settings. 

There are restrictions that show you the limits of your position at work or your guidelines as a student of whatever discipline you choose.

A personal boundary also helps to maintain your safety and sometimes you’re the one who will have to draw the line and put those boundaries in place.

For example, if you’re in an abusive relationship it is your responsibility to set boundaries indicating that you will not tolerate abuse and leave that relationship.

One thing to also keep in mind is that setting and adhering to boundaries are essential elements when it comes to self care.

Also, know that these boundaries need to be reviewed over time. This is because as you grow and transform, your boundaries will also need to be reworked.

Why Are Boundaries Important?

If you want to build a wholesome and strong relationship then boundaries are critical.

Yes, you want to respond to the needs of other people and lend a helping hand as much as possible. 

But you have to be careful because some people have no conscience at all and will take you for granted. They will go overboard and make demands, leaving you drained, if you let them. 

Under these circumstances, understand that you need to give them a firm no. 

How To Set Personal Boundaries

I’ve included this video by The Holistic Psychologist with the hope that it will help to bring my point across as to how to set boundaries.

Here’s the thing, it’s critical to set strong personal boundaries in place.

Also, keep in mind that if you’re juggling too many things at one time then you should let your friends and family know.  

Because if you don’t then they will keep asking for more of your time and energy and whatever else they need you to provide for them.

As a matter of fact, someone might ask for your help without knowing that others have already ‘placed their order’. This can leave you in a tight spot and lead to stress. So it’s important to let others know ahead of time. 

It’s also necessary that you ask people who are clamoring for your time and energy, why they are asking for your help in particular, and whether or not someone else can help them instead of you. 

If they have reasonable grounds then you can think about doing things for them. 

On the other hand, if they’re trying to offload their work or responsibilities on to you and trust me, you’ll know this. Just give them an emphatic no. 

When it comes to friends and family asking you to do something for them quit hemming and hawing and get straight to the point, don’t drag your feet. 

If you do, then it leaves you vulnerable. And once they see that, they’ll seize the opportunity to get the upper hand. 

 When they realize that you’re an easy target the requests will keep coming again and again and you don’t want that.

Here are some things to keep in mind when setting boundaries :

1. Don’t Say No with An Attitude

You don’t want to take on an attitude when saying no. Just respectfully let them know that that their timing is off because it’s not convenient for you.

And if that person gets worked up because you told them no, stay calm and still be nice but stand your ground. Let them know that it’s just not possible at this time. You’re in charge of your time and you have to manage it in a way that benefits you.

2. Why You Should Not Avoid Saying No

You might try to avoid saying no to some people. To you, it may seem that they are overwhelmed with their responsibilities when the truth is that they might take on more work than they can handle and then want to pass it on to you. 

They want to make others feel bad for them because they want to be a people pleaser.  Don’t give in to it.  

They might want to justify it but you should not take part in this practice. Just walk away.  It will only spell disaster for you in the long run.

3. Having To Say No To Your Boss

Having to say no to your boss can be a tricky and difficult task. When those circumstances arise you’ll need to tread lightly but firmly. 

A fitting way to tackle this would be to point out the fact that you have a lot going on right now because you already have too much work to cope with. 

Or if they persist, then you can find out how they want to have the tasks delivered in order of priority. 

 If the demands turn out to be on a regular basis it is bound to get stressful. If that’s the case, then you’re far better off seeking out new job opportunities. 

Types Of Boundaries

There are different types of personal boundaries that you need to integrate into your life. Some of these include:

Physical Boundaries

Physical boundaries take into consideration your physical structure-your body, your own personal or private space as well as your private life. 

Your personal boundaries are invaded when someone gets too close and is all up in your space or touching you in an offensive way.

This boundary hinges on what your ‘must-haves’ are that make you feel comfortable in that space. 

If someone sticks their nose where it doesn’t belong and looks through your private documents whether electronic or paper copies, they are out of line and are trespassing on your personal space.

Mental Boundaries

Mental boundaries deal with the way you think and it’s what makes you tick. These thoughts take into consideration your values, opinions, and your beliefs. 

You don’t have to be singing from the same hymn sheet as everybody else. These are completely your thoughts and your thoughts alone.

 When it comes to mental boundaries, it’s essential that mutual thoughtfulness is agreed upon between you and the other person involved. 

Spiritual Boundaries

When you use spiritual boundaries it helps to safeguard your connection with God. After you have conducted your research and analyze what you’ve found, be constant and hold on to what you believe in.  

Because there will be other people trying to influence you and try to shake your belief. And if you’re not rock solid and stand for what you believe you they will have you wrapped around their finger.

If you’ve already done your due diligence, don’t be affected by what other people have to say but embrace and represent what you believe.

Emotional Boundaries

Emotional boundaries are connected to your feelings. Feelings of happiness, sadness, anger, fear, excitement, you get the idea. Whether they’re negative or positive, these are all part of your emotions.

Your emotions are a natural part of your life and it’s good to be there for family and friends or even coworkers through both good and bad times.

But the problem arises when you start to take on other people’s problems as your own. This is why you need to set emotional boundaries.

Of course, you can feel empathy for someone going through a difficult situation, and needless to say, you genuinely want to help. It might sound heartless but at the same time, you need to remove yourself from the situation.

This is not just for your own sanity but it also gives you the chance to think clearly and to put your energy into seeking out the tools and resources that can help that person rise above that gloomy situation.

Material Boundaries

Material boundaries relate to all your personal valuables whether big or small. 

This also involves the extent of the restrictions you put on them as to who can use them. It also indicates when they can use them and how they can use them with your consent of course. 

If they are handled and or used without your consent then clearly someone has crossed the line and has invaded your material boundary.

Sexual Boundaries

When it comes to the sexual aspect of things, boundaries are also important. 

By that I mean, make up your mind about what you’re not happy with and speak with your partner about it. 

This should be a mutual undertaking because your partner will most likely have boundaries as well. And this opens the door for this discussion to take place, which both of you will find beneficial.

Conclusion

Boundaries can make a world of difference between having joy in your life and a life of stress and bitterness. 

There will be plenty of opportunities for you to say no to people as there’s always someone who will grab at any chance to try to get to you to do something for them. So, when the next person asks you for something, be straightforward and just say no.

Regardless of the fact that you may indeed have the time, you want to get in the habit of saying no and you can use this as your training ground. You can do this at least once per month or more often if required.

By doing that you’ll be on your way to get people to have some consideration and value you and your time. They will understand in no uncertain terms you’re no dumping ground and you’re not going to accept them unloading their responsibilities on to you.

What is your method of setting personal boundaries?

Disclaimer : The information provided through this Website is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for professional advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by your Medical Provider or Mental health Provider.  I am not a doctor, nurse, psychiatrist, psychologist, counselor, therapist or licensed nutritionist. Always seek the advice of your Medical Provider or Mental Health Professional with any questions or concerns you may have about your health, medications, herbs or supplements you are currently using before implementing any recommendations or suggestions from our website.